Thursday, January 04, 2007
This was such a beautiful post! I am so looking forward to the day when The Biscuit is ready to be independent because I think it will probably be a long time coming. Right now at 19 months old he is still wearing clothes that say they are for 9 months. I keep telling myself that there are other moms who are sad because their little ones are growing up so fast and really I'm lucky. But I want him to get to that point some day.
Because of the new pregnancy and finding out that The Biscuit needs a second heart surgery, I think that I have recently started to go back through the grieving that we did when The Biscuit was born. More precisely, when he was 3 days old and they took him from my room to the NICU because of the problems with his heart. This was the same time that we found out he has Down syndrome (Ds). Oh, the tears. How could they give me this news and then take him from me? But he is such a cool little kid! He would not have this personality without the Ds, so it has made it easier to accept -- and to accept him for who he is both good and, well, not bad really, but as his mom I can't help but worry. I worry about the things that the moms of typical kids do and the things that they don't. I don't know which bothers me most. I know of a mom who got upset when her son was just a baby because she was thinking of how someday a girl was going to break his heart. Once I had The Biscuit I remembered this story and fell apart thinking "What if no little girl ever loves him?" I have the fears that other moms do -- and I fear that he'll miss those things that "everyone" experiences.
Now I worry that there will be something wrong with The Cupcake. And if there isn't? Oh, a whole other pile of worries. Will she resent her brother and the possibility that he will outlive us so that she will have to help take care of him? Will she think that we had her just so there would be someone to take care of him later? Or will he think he isn't good enough and we wanted her because he's "broken"? Some days it is just too much. Luckily I can just go sit down and play with him and all of the worry & sadness falls away. He is so cool. He makes jokes, gives hugs and kisses, and really seems to enjoy hanging out together as much as I do. And really, what more could I wish for?
Posted by Kath Youell at 3:14 PM