Thursday, January 04, 2007

Inspired by Owlhaven's Little Skater



This was such a beautiful post! I am so looking forward to the day when The Biscuit is ready to be independent because I think it will probably be a long time coming. Right now at 19 months old he is still wearing clothes that say they are for 9 months. I keep telling myself that there are other moms who are sad because their little ones are growing up so fast and really I'm lucky. But I want him to get to that point some day.

Because of the new pregnancy and finding out that The Biscuit needs a second heart surgery, I think that I have recently started to go back through the grieving that we did when The Biscuit was born. More precisely, when he was 3 days old and they took him from my room to the NICU because of the problems with his heart. This was the same time that we found out he has Down syndrome (Ds). Oh, the tears. How could they give me this news and then take him from me? But he is such a cool little kid! He would not have this personality without the Ds, so it has made it easier to accept -- and to accept him for who he is both good and, well, not bad really, but as his mom I can't help but worry. I worry about the things that the moms of typical kids do and the things that they don't. I don't know which bothers me most. I know of a mom who got upset when her son was just a baby because she was thinking of how someday a girl was going to break his heart. Once I had The Biscuit I remembered this story and fell apart thinking "What if no little girl ever loves him?" I have the fears that other moms do -- and I fear that he'll miss those things that "everyone" experiences.

Now I worry that there will be something wrong with The Cupcake. And if there isn't? Oh, a whole other pile of worries. Will she resent her brother and the possibility that he will outlive us so that she will have to help take care of him? Will she think that we had her just so there would be someone to take care of him later? Or will he think he isn't good enough and we wanted her because he's "broken"? Some days it is just too much. Luckily I can just go sit down and play with him and all of the worry & sadness falls away. He is so cool. He makes jokes, gives hugs and kisses, and really seems to enjoy hanging out together as much as I do. And really, what more could I wish for?

8 comments:

  1. Sweet post-- he sounds like a neat kid!
    Mary, mom to many

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  3. My Biscuit's Daddy07 January, 2007 22:55

    I dunno... her post was a little cats-in-the-cradle. I mean if you've got 7 kids I would expect you'd get a little jaded after kid 4 or so, no?

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  4. You're an amazing mama, Kath.

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  5. sarah hart kingston17 January, 2007 12:29

    One of my good friends has a daughter who is in a wheelchair, cannot speak or communicate, has a tube straight into her stomach, and is 12 years old. My friend has the same feelings you do, especially about the future. She cries sometimes about what her daughter will not experience, but is also grateful for what she will not have to endure. The other siblings love their sister. They know she is part of the family, and that it's not her fault she requires so much attention. They help feed her, dress her, take her places. I think those kids have benefitted from being kind to someone who cannot reciprocate. I admire those who are in this situation and remain full of hope and love. Your other child can only benefit from your son. And no matter how different he is from other kids, you will still wake up one day and say, "Where did my baby go?"

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  6. All I can say is to take it one day at a time. It's all far too overwhelming to try and worry about future things. It seems like you just turn in circles it can be so overwhelming at times.

    One day at a time. The Biscuit sounds wonderful to me and I can't wait to meet The Cupcake when she arrives:)

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  7. He sounds like a wonderful blessing in your life.



    Jillian

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  8. I suppose my only words of advice would be slow down and enjoy today. Don't worry about any possible problems you have if cupcake does or doesn't have anything wrong with her. Each day can carry enough stress as it is, so take it one day at a time. I know, that sounds so cliche, but I am serious.

    I am a planner. This is hard for me. Not to worry about "oh the possibilities..." but sometimes we just have to hand the wheel over to God even if He has to pry our fingers away!

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